Do you find it difficult to relate to people? Are you not able to express your opinions or your feelings? Do you care too much about what other people think of you? Are you never the center of attention at social gatherings?
The majority of shy people (65%) believe that they are so because of external circumstances, such as excessive control by their families, having been treated in an authoritarian or overprotective way, or having been bullied in childhood.
Shyness should not be confused with introversion, since the latter concept refers to biological bases of personality, while shyness does usually represent a problem when relating to other people.
23% attribute their shyness to their internal causes, such as poor self-image. Fortunately, 86% of shy people are optimistic that they can improve their problem if they set their mind to it, according to The Shyness Institute, experts in studies on this trait.
We invite you to know if you are extravert or introverted by reading the following article:
"How to know if you tend towards introversion or extraversion"
Shyness, like any other problem, requires advice and professional follow-up, but in mild cases there are ten tips that can help you overcome it if we have the clear intention of doing so.
1. Don't be so hard on yourself
Don't push yourself as much when you're surrounded by people and think that your contributions don't go as you wanted . Do not worry. Most of your judgments are not based on facts but on negative thoughts you have learned about what optimal social behavior should be. Perfection does not exist, it is better to let ourselves be carried away by the intuition of the moment.
2. Respond to social situations authentically
Don't be reactive to them. Don't try to impose an attitude or behavior that you are not really feeling. Laugh if you like something, not out of commitment. Talk if you want to talk, not because the situation demands it.
3. When you are about to say something or make a move ...
Push the beliefs your mind sends you to the limit. Many beliefs are limiting, sometimes you have to risk engaging in that conversation that causes so much fear (or rather: emotion ).
4. Learn and don't be afraid to take steps towards new behaviors in social situations
Reality must be conceived, in a way, as a test bed. Experiment, there is nothing more stimulating than trying things, even if they go "wrong". In reality, they are unique learnings and experiences that you take with you: you are sowing seeds that sooner or later will bear fruit.
5. You can practice new social behaviors with trusted people
You can practice with your loved ones until you get used to having conversations. Maintain eye contact, develop your body language, express your ideas and emotions... Little by little you will feel more comfortable and you will expand your range of action. Here's a good article for developing this set of social skills.
6. If you have been avoiding doing something, you can write what you are going to say
Do you like to write? You can rehearse the interaction by writing it down on a notepad or in front of the mirror until you feel comfortable. Without obsessing: remember that failures should be understood as successes, since they report learning that will help you in the future.
7. Drop into group meetings
It is a good idea that frequent groups and environments where interests are touched coincide with yours and try to talk to new people. You can start conversations in which you can contribute a lot, and perhaps from there it will be easier for you to go to the personal field with your interlocutors.
8. Don't worry about social acceptance
Practice your assertiveness and don't be afraid of being more spontaneous. Actually, being spontaneous is something very positive, and if you are, be sure that others will appreciate it. Say what you think honestly and assertively, and people are likely to accept you and be receptive to your opinions.
9. Get used to speaking in front of more people
Start making yourself visible in situations where you can feel most comfortable. Even if you don't realize it, you will be training and your brain will assimilate that speaking in front of other people does not pose any risk; there is nothing to fear.
10. If you feel nervous and shy, you can remember this
If your nerves ever make you drunk, remember that there are great characters in the story who overcame their shyness. Although it is expensive, shyness is not going to be an obstacle to achieving your personal and professional goals.
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